i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
