Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
