Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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