If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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