the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
