i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
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Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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