Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
