Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
