Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
