Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
