he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
