So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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