I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
