he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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