Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
