Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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