My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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