sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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