Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
