There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
