yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
