so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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