Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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