she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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