I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
