TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
