I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
