my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
