Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
