Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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