it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Randomize
