First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
