Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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