Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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