at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
