and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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