Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
