And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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