Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
