They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
