doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
