I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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