When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
