Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
