Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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