Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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