12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love accidental penises.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
