Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
