I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
