When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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