she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
