yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
