What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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