I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
