Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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