Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
