PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
