so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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