I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
