i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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