I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
