I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i will never coherently bang her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
