Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
