im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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