she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
