Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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