she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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