I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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