My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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