I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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