you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
