He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
