Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ttyl tear gas
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
