Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
