Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
