I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
