it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
