i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
