He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
