It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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