you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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